Letters to Becoming

Letter 04 11 September 2026 Sunflower With No Sun I always thought a sunflower needed the sun to bloom. Maybe that's why I was so scared of losing mine. For a long time, I looked at someone else for my light. When I was happy, I wanted to tell him. When I was scared, I wanted him to make me feel okay. When something went wrong, I wanted to run back to him. And now, suddenly, I don't know where to turn. Aneh... Sometimes I still want to tell him things. Sometimes I see something funny dan sedetik kemudian... aku lupa kalau sekarang aku tidak bisa berbagi ceritaku dengannya. The day continues. The sun still rises. People still laugh. My favorite songs still play. Life doesn't stop just because something ended. And maybe that's the part I find the hardest to accept. I thought losing my sun meant I would stop blooming too. Tapi, bunga matahari tidak berarti hilang keberadaannya hanya karena matahari telah pergi. Mungkin, bunga matahari hanya perlu belajar mencari cahaya yan...

  Letter 03 07 September 2026 And as my final act of love, Im letting him have his peace. We've started being mean to each other just to protect our egos, forgetting how gently we once treated each other's feelings. And I feel hurted soo often lately, pretending to be okay. But im not, we're not. So, i leave. Bukan karena aku sudah berhenti sayang. Bukan karena semuanya tiba-tiba tidak berarti. Tapi karena aku mulai sadar bahwa mencintai seseorang juga berarti knowing when to stop asking them to carry what I need to carry myself. Aku tidak ingin terus mencari jawaban dari seseorang yang mungkin juga sedang berusaha mencari ketenangannya sendiri. I don't want to keep turning my needs to be loved into his responsibility. Jadi kali ini, aku akan memberi ruang. Bukan sebagai permainan supaya dia mencariku. Bukan supaya dia sadar kehilangan aku. Aku masih sayang. And i think a lot about how to make we both feel happy.  Karena itu, inilah satu-satunya cara aku bisa benar-bena...

  Letter 02 1 Agustus 2026 The Cost of Feeling Everything So Deeply I used to think that feeling everything so deeply was the problem. Kalau nada bicara seseorang berubah sedikit, I notice. Kalau cara seseorang membalas terasa berbeda, I notice. Kalau seseorang mulai terasa jauh, I feel it immediately. And once I feel something, I usually want to do something about it. Ask. Check. Seek reassurance. Try to make the feeling go away. But I'm slowly learning that feeling something deeply doesn't always mean something is wrong. Kadang aku takut, but I'm actually okay. Kadang aku merasa ditinggalkan, but that doesn't mean I'm being abandoned. Kadang aku merasa tidak cukup, but that doesn't make it true. My feelings are real, but they are not always facts. I think that's the part I'm learning the most. I dont need to stop feeling everything deeply, bcz thats who i am. Aku cuma perlu belajar supaya setiap perasaan yang muncul nggak mempengaruhiku dalam mengambil...

Letter 01 22 Juli 2026 On Letting Things Bloom Tonight, I asked myself: Will the flowers that bloomed painfully be beautiful? Apakah benar sesuatu yang menyakitkan akan membentuk diriku menjadi orang yang lebih baik? Dan kalau kamu punya pertanyaan yang sama, jawabanku: Yes. But maybe not in the way you imagined. Bunga itu tidak menjadi indah karena ia menderita. Ia menjadi indah karena ia tetap tumbuh meskipun mengalami sesuatu yang menyakitkan. Kita sering merasa harus menemukan sesuatu yang indah dari setiap luka. Seolah-olah setelah sembuh, kita bisa melihat ke belakang dan berkata, "Aku bersyukur pernah terluka." or "semua lukaku membentuk aku dihari ini" But maybe you don't have to. Kadang luka ya tetap luka. Ia tetap menyakitkan Pain doesn't have to become beautiful for your growth to be meaningful. Dulu aku berpikir memperbaiki diri berarti menjadi seseorang yang tidak mudah terluka. Tidak merasakan sakit. Tidak mudah percaya. Tidak terlalu membutuh...