Sunflower With No Sun

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Letter 04

11 September 2026

Sunflower With No Sun

I always thought a sunflower needed the sun to bloom.

Maybe that's why I was so scared of losing mine.

For a long time, I looked at someone else for my light.

When I was happy, I wanted to tell him.

When I was scared, I wanted him to make me feel okay.

When something went wrong, I wanted to run back to him.

And now, suddenly, I don't know where to turn.

Aneh...

Sometimes I still want to tell him things.

Sometimes I see something funny dan sedetik kemudian... aku lupa kalau sekarang aku tidak bisa berbagi ceritaku dengannya.

The day continues.

The sun still rises.

People still laugh.

My favorite songs still play.

Life doesn't stop just because something ended.

And maybe that's the part I find the hardest to accept.

I thought losing my sun meant I would stop blooming too.

Tapi, bunga matahari tidak berarti hilang keberadaannya hanya karena matahari telah pergi.

Mungkin, bunga matahari hanya perlu belajar mencari cahaya yang lain.

And that's what I'm doing now.

Learning to make my own mornings.

Learning to sit with the quiet.

Learning that not every empty space needs to be filled immediately.

I still have days when everything feels heavier than it should.

Maybe I'm just a sunflower with no sun right now.

And maybe, before all of this, aku sebenarnya sudah sering merasa lonely in my own way.

Aku sering merasa kesepian, bcs the sun is not there for me.

Selama ini aku selalu menganggap loneliness sebagai sesuatu yang harus aku hindari.

So I would always look for my sun.

But now, slowly, I'm trying to be friends with loneliness.

Masih aneh, honestly.

Kadang aku masih nggak tahu harus melakukan apa dengan rasa sepi itu.

But I'm learning that maybe loneliness doesn't always have to be a bad thing.

Maybe I can sit with it.

Maybe I can enjoy my own company without needing someone else to make the moment feel complete.

I don't think I'm completely okay with being alone yet.

But I'm getting there.

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